***In order to cover a wide spectrum of topics on GuideToWickedSex.com, I love to involve guest bloggers. As the subject of fetishes came up, I thought of my friend Kelly Shibari as a great source of information, so without further ado, I give you Kelly. xo, jd.
These days, there are lots of mentions of kinks and fetishes in gossip magazines, celebrity rags, music lyrics, and of course online. But what exactly is a fetish? Is anything that’s considered “weird” a fetish? Are people with fetishes weirdos and freaks?
In the traditional, Wikipedia sense, “fetish” can mean “a religious or mystical attribution to inanimate objects, known as ‘fetishes’.” The word “fetish” originates from the 15th century Portuguese word “feitico,” as well as the French word “fetiche,” which, similar to a totem or amulet, is an object believed to have supernatural powers over others. It’s very prevalent in voodoo, and other religions.
Along the same lines, a sexual fetish is “a sexual fixation with objects, body parts, or situations not conventionally viewed as being sexual in nature.” Much like those who give objects power, sexual fetishists are turned on by objects or situations that may not traditionally be considered sexual. For some people, a fetish is an add-on to a sex act; for others, only that fetish will work as an aphrodisiac.
Some of the most common fetishes are exaggerations of standard marks of beauty – a guy begins to like large breasts, but his preference turns into a fetish when the women of desire start having larger and larger breasts, including those with larger-than-life implants. Similarly, someone might be “into” a pregnant partner’s belly for the usual reasons (growth of life, fertility, etc) but it turns into a fetish when he starts seeking fetish models who are “gainers” – those who eat only to grow their bellies so guys can watch their bellies grow.
Fetishes can range into things that you would never equate with sex, too. I’ve had many fans contact me for custom videos, where I do various things that they fetishize. Once, I was asked to sit in a leather chair and eat a rare steak while talking about how much I liked cows. Recently, I’ve been asked to blow my nose – just the audio of a woman blowing her nose turns him on. I’ve had other performer friends tell me that they’ve shot videos of them washing dishes, cutting their hair, burping, giggling, putting on lipstick, mopping the floor – even farting! And while some of you might think that these things are weird, I love that they know what turns them on!
One of the most common fetishes, and one that’s shared by many, many people, from Hollywood celebrities to politicians, is feet. From toes, arches, heels, toenails, all the way to footwear, foot fetishists sexualize everything about feet – from smelling and licking, to the color of toenails and jewelry, and everything in between, it really turns them on and enhances their sexual interaction with their partners.
So how can you bring fetishes into your bedroom? Start with what is the most common – feet. Everyone loves a good foot rub, even if it’s not sexual. Use great-scented lotions and oils and really give each other a good foot massage. Use eye contact and make sure to communicate with each other about how it feels. Maybe, if you’re inclined, try licking a toe or sucking on them. Suck on them one by one, then all at once. Lick the bottom of their foot from heel to toe, and then back again.
Want to take it one step further? Try a “foot job,” where the woman uses both her feet to rub the guy’s penis up and down. Want to reciprocate? The guy can totally use his big toe to rub the woman’s clitoris. All this takes a lot longer than the usual “let’s have sex” ritual and can extend the lovemaking session into something pretty awesome.
Maybe he or she just aren’t into feet, or are too ticklish? You can do the same with hands! These days, we’re all on computers all day long, and our hands need more TLC than ever. Getting your partner to take some time away from the keyboard for some eye contact, conversation, and some hand-massaging can be a great way to connect, take care of those paws, and get some quality time in… and who knows where that can lead!
Communication is one of the key elements to having a much more fulfilling sexual relationship – and if you can start by doing something that feels amazing, then I’m sure you’ll find it will lead to some arousing post-footrub (or -handrub) play. After you explore those desires, check back in at GuideToWickedSex.com because I’ll go into more detail on many more aspects of the fetish world.
–Kelly Shibari
About Kelly Shibari:
From her background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production to performing in front of the camera as the sexually-charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere, Kelly Shibari is a stereotype-breaking tour-de-force. Her multi-award-winning site, PaddedKINK, is the premier destination for plus-size fetish performers, and she has the distinct honor of being the only plus-sized Fleshlight Girl in existence. Her self-produced, self-marketed DVD, “Kelly Shibari is Overloaded,” was nominated for both XBIZ and AVN, not just for the DVD itself but also for its marketing campaign. It was recently also nominated for a Feminist Porn Award. Shibari was named 2013 BBW Performer of the Year award at EXXXOTICA’s fan-based awards, “The Fannys.” For more information, visit www.KellyShibariXXX.com, www.Twitter.com/KellyShibari, and www.Facebook.com/KellyShibari.