***In order to cover a wide spectrum of topics on GuideToWickedSex.com, I love to involve guest bloggers. As the subject of fetishes came up, I thought of my friend Kelly Shibari as a great source of information – below is Kelly’s second GTWS post on fetishes. xo, jd.
This weekend, I’m in Tampa, Florida, to experience my first-ever FetishCon. It’s one of the largest fetish and kink conventions in the country, and I’ve always wanted to attend. I’m so happy I was able to fly down this year!
For people who are interested in introducing fetishes into the bedroom, fetish conventions are a great way to learn, explore, and be inspired. Usually held during the day, in a brightly lit hotel convention center, fetish conventions will mitigate any fears you may have from watching too many horror movies. Yes, there are dungeon setups, and people being whipped, pierced, tied up, screaming, and more – but there are also vendors that sell kinky clothes, sexy shoes, videos, books, and more.
There are also usually seminars, ranging from “Introduction to the BDSM and Fetish Lifestyle” and “Beginning Edge Play: Sharp and Pointies,” but also some very tame seminars that can be super helpful to couples who are looking for things less painful, such as “Taking Better Intimate Photos at Home,” “Erotic Tickle Torture,” and “What Is A Fetish?” In addition, there are usually some really good seminars on communication and theory, which is great regardless of whether or not you’re into kinky stuff or not. This year, the classes offered for communication include “Pain is for Pleasure, Not for Injury,” “Learning to Separate Reasonable Risk from Fantasy Foolishness,” and “Effective Communication.” See? Attending a fetish convention isn’t all about being tied up and beaten until you’re black and blue (which I know some of you were thinking!).
The after-parties can be pretty fun too – and much like the convention, you can either just watch, or actually participate. Kinky Karaoke? Check. A medical fetish themed live show? Cool! Burlesque and rope bondage feature performances? Amazing!
But the best part about attending a fetish convention? The conversations. You can go to any booth, ask as many questions as you’d like, and see a myriad of performances of varying fetishes, all in person. Some booths will even let you try things – a rope bondage expert can not only tie you up (over your clothes), but also walk both you and your partner through the various kinds of rope, basic information about safety, and advice on how to get started at home. A toy company can walk you through the difference between floggers and whips, different kinds of leather, and more, but also demonstrate how to use the items properly, so you’re not just going to a website and randomly selecting items, hoping that you chose something that both of you would enjoy. Any purchases you make will be a combination of one person learning how to use it properly and safely, and the partner knowing it’s a sensation they enjoy heightening his or her pleasure.
Yes, you’re right – not everything you see will be to your liking. You might even find some fetishes that scare you, horrify you, and downright make you think, WTF? But you might, and very likely, find something that will be new, fun, and get you excited to try back at home. When you know you’ve found a fetish you both enjoy, then it’s something that can be incorporated into the bedroom easily. So go out there and start exploring!
–Kelly Shibari
About Kelly Shibari:
From her background in design and construction in mainstream film and television production to performing in front of the camera as the sexually-charged figurehead for chubby Asian girls everywhere, Kelly Shibari is a stereotype-breaking tour-de-force. Her multi-award-winning site, PaddedKINK, is the premier destination for plus-size fetish performers, and she has the distinct honor of being the only plus-sized Fleshlight Girl in existence. Her self-produced, self-marketed DVD, “Kelly Shibari is Overloaded,” was nominated for both XBIZ and AVN, not just for the DVD itself but also for its marketing campaign. It was recently also nominated for a Feminist Porn Award. Shibari was named 2013 BBW Performer of the Year award at EXXXOTICA’s fan-based awards, “The Fannys.” For more information, visit www.KellyShibariXXX.com, www.Twitter.com/KellyShibari, and www.Facebook.com/KellyShibari.